I do believe I am getting old, every bone in my body hurts when it gets cold.

My feet hurt, and I can't walk, my lips are cracked and I can't talk.

My knees crack when I bend and stoop, and my hemorriods bleed every time I poop.

My toes have turned black and my nails fell off, and I pee on myself every time I cough.

Well, my hair is gray and falling out, and I can't hear you unless you shout.

My nose is red from drinking too much, and my skin hurts at the slightest touch.

I don't have a straight finger on either hand, and my ankles hurt when I try to stand.

When I sit on the toilet my butt goes numb, and after each meal my desert is a Tum.

I'm blind in one eye, and the other is blessed with a cataract, I have hair in my ears and moles on my back.

I can only get my temperature up to 52, and I know I'Il die if I ever get the flu.

I get indigestion no matter what I eat, and I have high cholesterol and a fast heartbeat.

My taste buds don't work the way they should, and no matter what I eat, it tastes like wood.

I get nose bleeds and my eyelashes hurt, and my mouth gets as dry as desert dirt.

  If you stand real close you can hear me wheeze, and my navel pops out every time sneeze.

But I'm not dead and buried yet, when I do you had better remind me, or I might forget.

By: Ned Nunn